Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
