I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
