At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
