Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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