I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up under a house in Key West
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