mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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