john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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