I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Me too!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
