and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
