Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
not ubering you a puppy
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
