Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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