How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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