I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This baby is an asshole
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
