Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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