im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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