Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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