i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
