My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
