It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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