When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
