i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
