had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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