MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
