when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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