you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
