theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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