exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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