Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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