Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
