I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
