Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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