listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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