afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
