I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
