don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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