I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
