this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
