FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
