I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
