Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
