I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
