She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
