Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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