i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
