had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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