so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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