At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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