Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
