According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
As shirtless as possible
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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