Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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