If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
