Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
