wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
