theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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