it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would fuck him just for his dog
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
