After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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