Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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