we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
