And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
FUCK WHALES
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
