Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
