I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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