Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
why do cheetos always look like penises
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
