So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
