shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
