You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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