Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
